Why We Shouldn't Build Our Identity on What We Build

When I started råbowls, I wasn’t just opening a restaurant. I was writing a story about who I wanted to be. Each brand element, every product photo, each beautifully worded mission statement — they weren’t just marketing. They were mirrors.

I’d introduce myself at events: "I'm the founder of råbowls." And people’s eyes would light up. They’d heard of it. They’d seen the Instagram. And in those moments, it felt like I mattered.

But here’s the quiet danger in that: when your business becomes your entire identity, then what happens when the business falters?

At some point, I stopped asking myself how I was doing. I only asked how the business was doing. Because in my mind, they had become the same.

And others did the same too. When I met someone new, the first question was always: "How is råbowls going?" Never "How are you doing with it all?" Not "How are you sleeping, really?"

When we equate our worth with our work, we build fragile identities. Because every drop in sales, every failed campaign, every crack in the façade feels like a crack in us.

Here’s something I’ve come to understand the hard way: you are not one thing. You are not just a founder. Or a marketer. Or a designer. Or whatever job title you’ve been clinging to for dear life.

You are many things. You contain contradictions. Curiosity. Tenderness. Imagination. Things that never fit neatly into a LinkedIn bio.

But when you tie your personality too tightly to your business, you fall into what I call the perfection trap.

You start with a dream. A beautiful vision. Inspired by a great chef, a celebrated architect, or a charismatic entrepreneur. You aim high. And that’s good — until it’s not.

Because then you try. And your first version is… imperfect. And you panic. Because you know what greatness looks like, and your own work doesn't feel anywhere close.

We who are so aware of excellence are often the least able to tolerate our own mediocrity.

Psychologist Thomas Curran writes about this in The Perfection Trap. He shows how perfectionism has become a cultural epidemic — especially in those of us who tie our worth to performance. It’s not just about having high standards. It’s about believing that if we don’t succeed perfectly, we don’t deserve love, respect, or belonging.

As someone who built a business that looked great on the outside but was tearing me apart on the inside, I know this trap intimately.

When råbowls began to struggle — operationally, financially — I didn’t just feel like the company was failing. I felt like I was.

But a business is not a person. Its purpose is to serve, grow, adapt — and yes, make money. It is a tool for expression, not a reflection of your soul.

And the irony? When you stop obsessively tying your self-worth to it, you become a better founder. You take smarter risks. You see more clearly. You can step back — and breathe.

Spread your goals. Build a diversified life portfolio. Love your business, but don’t become it. Let it serve you, not consume you.

You are allowed to be someone beyond what you build.

This is what building & being is really about. Learning to show up — not just as a builder, but as a whole, evolving, vulnerable human.